Filed under: Raiders, AFC West

You can say this about Oakland Raiders Head Coach Lane Kiffin: he knows what the strength of his offense is. According to Raiders beat writer Jerry McDonald at the Contra Costa Times, Kiffin is having dreams of a monster, clock-killing, punishing rushing attack led by Justin Fargas, Darren McFadden and Michael Bush that will pound the ball at defenses nearly 600 times during the 2008 season.

My amateur math skills tell me that 600 rushing attempts over a 16-game season comes out to, roughly, 37 carries per game. That’s a lot of running. As a team, they ran the ball 508 times in ‘07, including seven games where they had at least 30 attempts.

Without getting into the question of, what does it say about your offense when the strength consists of two guys to never carry the ball in an NFL game, this seems like a dream in every sense of the word. I’m not saying the Raiders aren’t going to pound the ball and be a run-first team, but 600 carries, or close to it, is nearly impossible to do.

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Score one for the extraordinarily thin-skinned. A judge in Naples, Italy recently awarded 1500 Euro to a fan of the Napoli Football Club for “existential damages” he incurred while attending a match against Inter Milan. The cause of the damages? Banners. But not just any banners. Banners that made light of Naples’ ongoing garbage crisis, which has left tonnes of debris rotting on its streets and thousands of raccoons furiously swimming the Atlantic in search of this mythical utopia. Even worse, the banners were apparently designed by know-it-all pre-med students:

Provocative abuse was displayed on other banners at the match, which Inter won 2-1, including “Ciao cholera sufferers!” and “Neapolitans have tuberculosis”. Inter fans also sang offensive chants.

Now before we all rush to judgment and blame lawyers for furthering our global pussification, put yourself in this fan’s shoes. What if your city was going through a terrible crisis, and some ignorant moron displayed a sign that made light of it in an unfathomably tasteless manner? Granted, we are talking about soccer fans here, so it’s tough to imagine that happening on this side of the pond, but…

Oh. New Orleans fans, get thee to an ambulance chaser.

Weird Cases: Existential Damage [Tiimes Online]

Filed under: Patriots, AFC East

It’s an old story by now: two years ago, then-Florida wide receiver Chad Jackson had a jaw-dropping NFL combine. He busted out a 4.3-something 40, smoothly ran routes and snagged passes, and he subsequently saw his stock go through the roof.

In the days and weeks leading up to the draft, he, along with Santonio Holmes, were the two highest-rated wideouts and thought to be first-round picks. As it turned out, only Holmes went in Round 1, but the Patriots traded up in the second round to grab Jackson, who was supposed to replace Deion Branch.

Didn’t come close to working out that way; he caught just 13 passes for 152 yards his rookie season, and played in just two games last season without registering a reception. There was speculation that this could be Jackson’s make-or-break year, and according to the Boston Globe’s Mike Reiss, the verdict’s in: break.

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So Bengals wideout Chad Johnson has legally changed his name to “Chad Javon Ocho Cinco.” Which I guess is only slightly better than “Chad Javon GoldenPalace.com.” Chad expects to play in the Bengals’ season opener, despite suffering a dislocated shoulder in the preseason and creating more needlework for his equipment manager.

“It’s something I don’t think anyone has ever done before,” he told the team’s Web site. “Have I ever had a reason for why I do what I do? I’m having fun.”

Actually, Texans Domanick Davis changed his name to Williams in 2006, but he wasn’t nearly as batshit as Chad is. Nor was he trying to piss off Marvin Lewis at every turn. I don’t see what this has to do with Dade County. Maybe Ray Lewis can explain it for us.

Bengals Wide Receiver Changes Last Name To Ocho Cinco [ESPN.com]

Filed under: Duke Football, UNC, ACC, NCAA FB Campus, NCAA FB Video, General CFB Insanity

If you were wondering why the North Carolina Tar Heels came out so flat yesterday, it’s because their pregame festivities got all screwed up. They were supposed to have a skydiver come out of nowhere (well, the sky actually) and deliver the game ball in the middle of Kenan Stadium. Problem is, he never showed up. Where was he? Kicking it at Duke’s Wallace Wade Stadium in Durham.

Well, in fairness, it’s hard to distinguish, especially with the cloud cover, between Durham and Chapel Hill. Or the football they play.

Via 850 the Buzz

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What to watch while praying David Duchovny gets the help he needs…
• In progress — Sport: U.S. Open Tennis Third Round Coverage [CBS] - Admit it: you need your Mary Carillo fix.
• 12:00 — Sport: Syracuse at Northwestern [ESPN2] - Why should the ranked teams get all the love?
• 3:00 — Sport: PGA Tour Deutsche Bank Championship [Golf Channel] - Mike Weir shot a 10-under yesterday, as he looks to continue his streak of only winning tournaments Phil Mickelson won the year before.
• 3:30 — Sport: Philadelphia Phillies at Chicago Cubs [FOX] - In Chicago, they throw baseballs back. In Philly - children.
• 5:00 — Movie: The World is Not Enough - The film that forever typecast Denise Richards as an atomic scientist.

Filed under: Browns, Cowboys, AFC North, NFL Injuries

Derek Anderson was knocked silly during the Week 2 preseason game against the Giants and he hasn’t played since. The fourth-year quarterback and second-year Browns starter was diagnosed with a concussion, and while he prepared for the opener against the Cowboys, ‘06 first-rounder Brady Quinn took over the full-time role in the final two preseason games.

Now, though, the regular season is upon us, and the Browns still aren’t willing to commit to Anderson being under center this weekend.

Neither [GM Phil] Savage nor Romeo Crennel is eager to detail where Anderson stands in relation to the concussion that felled him Aug. 18. After Thursday’s Chicago game, Romeo Crennel said “nope” when asked if he could predict whether Anderson will face Dallas next Sunday.

Savage: “The expectation is that D.A. will be back and ready to go.” (Pressed to say if that means “ready to go” against Dallas) “I feel he’ll be ready to play this weekend.”

Anderson looked shaking during his brief preseason stint, but that holds true for most of Cleveland’s offense, including Quinn. You’d have to think Anderson would give the Browns the best chance to win against the Cowboys, based on last year’s performance, but if he’s less than completely healthy, it might make more sense to give Quinn his first start.

Dallas isn’t the sort of team you use to ease back into things after an injury, but if Crennel and Savage think Anderson’s ready, I’m guessing he plays. For how long is up to DeMarcus Ware.

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Filed under: Pro Wrestling

Killer Kowalski, the professional wrestler who debuted in the 1940s, was a star in the 1950s and stayed involved in pro wrestling for the rest of his life, has died at the age of 81. Here’s a look at Kowalski taking on “Mr. America” Gene Stanley at Madison Square Garden in 1953:

Born Edward Walter Spulnik on October 13, 1926, in Windsor, Ontario, he assumed the name “Killer Kowalski” when he took up wrestling as a University of Detroit student in the 1940s, and he ended up legally changing his name in the 1960s. His recent activities in wrestling included training the WWE stars Triple H and Chyna.

More information:
Walter “Killer” Kowalski passes away [WWE.com]
Killer Kowalski dies at 81 [Canada.com]
Killer Kowalski fight videos [YouTube]
Killer Kowalski [Wikipedia]

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Filed under: Golf, PGA, Ryder Cup

Ian Poulter might want to spend more time honing his game and making paradigm-shifting fashion statements, and less time blaming the media for his poor play. It’s very unbecoming.

But after Poulter missed the cut at this week’s Deutsche Bank Championship, the second leg of the FedEx Cup, he promptly identified the culprit for his indifferent performance: the clowns in the media tent distracting us all with the Colin-Ian Ryder Cup cat fight.

Poulter said he was exhausted after his week, which only lasted two rounds, and he blamed the media on both sides of the Atlantic for making the week harder than it should have been. “It’s been a very long week, and I think a lot of misspent energy has been taken up by obvious press — media, players, everybody. It’s just so mentally draining to be in this position, to listen, to read, to hear all the B.S. this week. I’m spent. I’m exhausted. I didn’t want to finish the last two tournaments like this.”

I mentioned yesterday that Colin Montgomerie wasn’t all that jazzed about Poulter telling him what to do in regards to the Ryder Cup. The typical response to Monty’s whining is that, well, Monty’s a whiner, that’s his shtick.

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