by Tom Ziller

Filed under: Knicks, NBA Police Blotter

Just in case there was any question as to the veracity of Isiah Thomas‘ story that his daughter was the one who overdosed and he was just panicked from that, the police have released their report on the incident. The result? The 47-year-old man who a bucket of media outlets have reported to be Isiah Thomas … that man wasn’t breathing when police arrived.

In the report, a police officer says he went to the former Knicks coach’s home in the Purchase section of Harrison around midnight Oct. 23 in response to a report of “(blank) not breathing.”

“Upon my arrival I assisted (another officer) who was administering O2 to (blank) lying on the kitchen floor,” the report said.

Thomas and his son have attempted to a) pin the 9-1-1 call on Isiah’s teenaged daughter, and b) make it seem this has been blown out of proportion, that someone just wasn’t feeling well.

If you’re not breathing, requiring medics to administer oxygen and ship you to a hospital: that’s a big deal. Those things don’t happen if you’re just not feeling well … they happen when you’re in danger of dying. The delusion involved in attempting to cover this up is staggering.

Isiah’s Questionable Story Unravels Further originally appeared on Fanhouse NBA Blog on Fri, 31 Oct 2008 11:00:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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If you were in attendance at Citizens Bank Ballpark last night, the first voice you may have heard over the loudspeaker after your team won the championship was that of Jeanne Zelasko. And while I have nothing against Jeanne Zelasko personally, I’m not exactly sure she was the right person to have speaking at that particular moment. Zelasko has all the gravitas of an assistant brand manager reading through a Powerpoint deck at your local Days Inn.

But perhaps I’m being too harsh. Then again, perhaps Zelasko is just another in a long line of undertrained Californian FOX prompter bunnies who put an inhuman, android-like gloss over any human event over which they preside. So let’s bring back the fabled Deadspin Media Approval Ratings to see what you think. Do you like the Jeanne Zelasko? Do you not like the Jeanne Zelasko?

Jeanne Zelasko: Media Approval Ratings
( polls)

Let us know what you say.

(Co-editor’s interruption: This is a blurry, very dark picture of Zelasko’s ass when I chased her down Broad Street Saturday night. Who’s classy? Me. Who’s a World Champion? ME. As you were…)

by Adam Gretz

Filed under: Penguins, NHL Injuries

As if the Penguins didn’t have enough to worry about in their 4-1 loss at the hands of Phoenix last night, they played the final 15 minutes of the third period without their captain, Sidney Crosby.

Early in the final period, Crosby left the bench area after suffering an undisclosed injury and did not return. During the team’s broadcast on Fox Sports Pittsburgh, announcer Paul Steigerwald informed us that it “was not a serious injury” but that he “would not return tonight.”

“I don’t even know what happened,” he said after the game. “I had some discomfort. In the third period, I couldn’t really do much.”

Sidney Crosby Injured In Loss to Phoenix originally appeared on Fanhouse NHL Blog on Fri, 31 Oct 2008 10:45:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Stefan Fatsis on the struggles of the Rooney family to sell the Steelers in the wake of brutal economic conditions and the end times for the NFL’s original vanguard of owners. [PLAY Magazine]

by Eric McErlain

Filed under: Capitals, NHL Fans

Ever since he led the Washington Capitals out of the basement and to a Southeast Division title last season, head coach Bruce Boudreau has developed quite the following in the D.C. area, something that the Washington Post’s gossip page got around to noting earlier this morning:

Six months ago, Kelly Black ran into the Washington Capitals head coach at Ballston Common Mall — where the team holds public practices — and invited him to join her kids and her best friend for lunch. “Can’t right now,” he told them. “Next time.” Yesterday, 7-year-old Austin Black attended Caps practice with a hand-held sign: “Coach Boudreau: You promised lunch with me. Today is the day.”

True to his word, the coach wound up springing for chicken nuggets and juice boxes for Austin and some friends at the mall’s food court. Boudreau even stuck around for 45 minutes to talk hockey with the kids.

Chicken Nuggets on Coach Boudreau originally appeared on Fanhouse NHL Blog on Fri, 31 Oct 2008 10:30:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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From Upstate Underdog at Walk Off Walk comes this video of Philly fans joyfully destroying an automobile in the wake of last night’s victory. And really, if you were dumb enough to park your damn car in the city proper last night, don’t you pretty much deserve to have it flipped and stomped on? I say yes.

by Sportz Assassin

Filed under: Bengals, Lions, AFC North, NFC North, NFL Fans

Happy Halloween! Instead of the normal chat between two teams who face off this week, Josh Kirkendall from Cincy Jungle and Kevin Ferguson of the Sidelion Report are coming in to the ‘House to chat about their respective teams, the Cincinnati Bengals and Detroit Lions. They are the NFL’s only winless teams, and have a frightening 0-15 combined record this season.

Enjoy this special scary Behind Enemy Lines feature.

Behind Enemy Lines: Bengals and Lions Bloggers Vent Their Frustrations originally appeared on Fanhouse NFL Blog on Fri, 31 Oct 2008 10:00:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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In keeping with the theme of the day, once the ESPN Thursday night programmer took a shit and put it into his ESPN issued lunchbox (the graphic on the lunchbox was Stuart Scott’s lazy eye and the eye followed you when it moved.)Anyway, then the ESPN programmer collected Lou Holtz’s spit and mixed it with Doris Burke’s used tampon and when he opened up the lunchbox it had turned into South Florida at Cincinnati. Score! Here’s your Thursday night preview.

Someone has to win the Big East. We know this. There’s a BCS spot at stake. But with miles to go before we sleep only Syracuse at 0-3 has completely eliminated themselves from contention. Fans of the other 7 teams in the conference (all 14 of you) can still lay awake at night and dream about the riches and glory that could be yours if only your team could string together a few wins and snag the coveted prize. Tonight the Big East’s only ranked team in the Coaches’ Poll, South Florida, tries to become the only team in the Big East not named Syracuse to have three conference losses, and Cincinnati tries to avoid adding on their second consecutive conference loss. Yep, like 7th grade girls competing to avoid being the slut of the pre-algebra classroom, it’s a battle not to suck.

Cincinnati is 5-2. Prior to getting trounced 40-16 by UConn last week their only loss was at Oklahoma. Now they have to beat South Florida to avoid dropping to 1-2 in conference. Which would be bad. What’s worse than this? The next two games are on the road at West Virginia and at Louisiville. So, really, Cincinnati is probably already eliminated from Big East contention. But that’s okay. Because their final game of the season, on December 6, is at Hawaii. Which is awesome for the team but will kill their bowl crowd. If you have a choice between following Cincinnati to Hawaii in early December or to Birmingham’s PapaJohn’s Bowl in late December which are you choosing?

Cincinnati’s starting quarterback, Tony Pike, is also tougher than you. Not that there was really any doubt after you pulled yourself from an intramural flag football game with turf toe, but still, it’s important to establish these things. Pike started last week’s game against UConn and played with a broken left (non-throwing) arm. He was pulled from the game after he lost feeling in the broken arm. Jesus.

On the other side of the field South Florida is trying to avoid another Big East collapse. (Perhaps Jim Leavitt can recruit Jenn Sterger to provide the necessary support to the team since she attended USF for two years before transferring to FSU.) After being ranked as high as #10 in the country, the Bulls have lost 2 of 3 conference games. Losing at home on Thursday night to Pitt and on the road to Louisville. It’s a battle for the Big East ages, and who are you kidding, you’ll be watching. Unless College Invasion 12 just arrived in your mailbox too. Then? Screw college football.

by Mullet

Filed under: Dodgers, NL West

You knew it was coming. And Manny Ramirez wasted no time in filing for free agency on Thursday, along with other big names such as Mark Teixeira and Ben Sheets.

Manny, as well he should, will most likely have the most “buzz” surrounding him this offseason with his game-changing Bondsian aura at the plate, and his quirkiness away from it. The Dodgers will no doubt make a huge push to retain his services, and although Ned Colletti has shot down a report which had Dodger Blue offering Manny close to $60 million for two seasons of his services, that seems to be the best way to go for club and player.

A short deal would lessen the impact of Manny should he decide to be the petulant Manny from his final days with the Red Sox, and it would allay fears about his advancing age. The extra money is a good way to make it up to Manny for giving up long term security.

The Manny Mobile is Officially Coming to a Town Near You originally appeared on Fanhouse MLB Blog on Fri, 31 Oct 2008 09:30:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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As part of the ongoing whoredom of Men With Balls, I got a chance to sit down with Playboy editor Rocky Rakovic, whose magazine I’ve had the pleasure of stealing on many, many occasions. But Rocky also wanted to ask a question of you Deadspin commenter folks. He’ll peruse your comments in this post and pluck out the best answers for publication in the magazine. So your grandpa can read it during spank breaks! Anyway, here’s the question:

In these tough economic times, what advice do you have for pro athletes?

Remember, only the best comments get published. So maybe now would be a good time to put away the retarded Martin Lawrence jokes.